Wednesday, July 29, 2009
It's WAY TOO HOT!
Our car said it was 111 degrees in the mall parking lot today! I swear I'm melting...
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Sad movies :(
I just finished watching "Rachel Getting Married"...
It's the last (I hope) in a string of stunningly sad movies I somehow ended up with unexpectedly on my Netflix list. There was "An American Crime" a true story where a teenager is left with an abusive family, thrown down into the cellar and paralyzed, then tortured by neighborhood kids until she died. "Hard Candy" where a teen aged girl castrates a child molester who murdered her best friend. "Incendiary" (I'm not sure of the spelling there) where a woman's child and husband are blown up in a terrorist attack and she's left dealing with it... "Rachel Getting Married" made me cry the most though.
The main character drove off a bridge, high on painkillers years ago, killing her little brother who was, I think, four. Throughout the movie she deals with her family on a break from rehab for her sister's wedding. It just made me so sad.
I've been so affected by stories of the loss of children lately. I heard the 911 call on TV, that the boyfriend of the mother of the child who was killed by the python in Florida made, after discovering that his snake killed the two year old child, and I was unable to get back to sleep. The sound of his voice haunted me. Just thinking of how it would feel to know that something so preventable and horrifying and permanent happened because of an awful mistake that someone made, it makes my heart sink, it makes me feel like I might vomit.
I don't know what's going on with me. I normally have a wall built up, where I can distance myself from these sorts of things, but now it's all just seeping in. Yesterday I went to Costco, with the twins, and a very sweaty man who looked like Santa with no beard and shorter white hair stopped me. He said, "Are those twins? OOOOOOOh slow down so Grandpa can take a look!" (that was a little funny)... He ooohed and ahhhhed over them, and before he walked away, blotting the beads of sweat off of his forehead with a handkerchief, he said, "Love them like there's no tomorrow, because God can take them back any time...I know, it happened to me" I didn't know what to say, I just said, "Oh thank you, I'm sorry, that's very sad..."
All this thinking about losing children terrifies me. I don't want to ever lose one of them, I want them here with me forever, I want nothing nearly as much as I want that. I literally don't know how I would breathe the next day if I lost one of them. That feeling scares me so much. The thought that children get ill, that babies die of SIDS, that accident's happen and even that people do little things that seem inconsequential (like getting a pet snake) that lead to the death of a child and there is no going back, no re-do's, it just horrifies me, it strikes terror into my heart, it makes me want to line up my kids on my bed, and just keep them with me all the time. Of course I can't. I have to let them live. I have to live, a life that isn't spent worrying about what I might lose someday.
Years and years ago I spent all my free time reading the works of old philosophers, mostly social/political philosophers, writings about liberty, ideal societies and civil laws and stuff of that nature. One day I picked up a little book, I can't remember the name of it, or the person who it was the supposed musings of ( I think was Roman, but he very well could have been Greek)...I say supposed because it was one of those guys who didn't record his thoughts, but they were passed down through word of mouth until someone finally wrote them down. Anyway, he wrote one chapter about attachment to things, and people. He said that we would live perfectly happy lives if we could rid ourselves of attachment to things there were impermanent. He used an analogy of a favorite bowl, something along the lines of: If you have a favorite bowl, that you love to use every day, and one day you drop it and it breaks, you feel a little sad. You aren't devastated though, because you know it's only a bowl and you knew it wouldn't last forever. You enjoyed it while it lasted, but were not so attached to it that it would cause you pain to lose it. He said we should develop the self discipline to feel the same way about everything, and everyone. Enjoying them while we have them, but not attaching ourselves to them so much that we feel we NEED them to be happy, because we will inevitably lose everything and everyone.
I read this 10 years ago, and I thought it made sense. Now though, I feel doomed when I think about it. My children are not something I'm willing to part with. I am attached to them and I can't bare the thought of losing them. The thought of comparing them to a bowl, no matter how favored, strikes me as ridiculous. I know the bowl isn't the point, and still I feel that way. 10 years ago I thought of my boyfriend when I thought of the bowl. I loved him, but obviously not like I do my kids. I know they will grow up and maybe move away. I know that they are human beings, filled with fragile stuff that we can't even put our finger on to figure out how to bring it back once it goes, and yet I'm filled with irrational hope that we will never be separated, that we will always have another day...It makes me want to believe in Heaven so badly.
Yet, the only option I have is to live each day as if the worst couldn't happen. I can't curse my children with a mother who is afraid that they will die all the time, what kind of life would that be? I have to remember they are mortal enough to enjoy each moment with them, while ignoring the fact that they could disappear in an instant. I have to let them ride their bikes, play in the pool, play football, drive cars (eventually), and a million other little things that could in some freakish way take them away from me, all with a healthy dose of precaution and at the same time a blind eye to all the risk.
It's not the sleepless nights that are hard, it's not the lack of privacy and the diapers and the yelling and the fighting (although that does suck...why must siblings fight?), it's the love. It's wonderful, amazing and fantastic to love someone so much, but it's also terrifying.
It's the last (I hope) in a string of stunningly sad movies I somehow ended up with unexpectedly on my Netflix list. There was "An American Crime" a true story where a teenager is left with an abusive family, thrown down into the cellar and paralyzed, then tortured by neighborhood kids until she died. "Hard Candy" where a teen aged girl castrates a child molester who murdered her best friend. "Incendiary" (I'm not sure of the spelling there) where a woman's child and husband are blown up in a terrorist attack and she's left dealing with it... "Rachel Getting Married" made me cry the most though.
The main character drove off a bridge, high on painkillers years ago, killing her little brother who was, I think, four. Throughout the movie she deals with her family on a break from rehab for her sister's wedding. It just made me so sad.
I've been so affected by stories of the loss of children lately. I heard the 911 call on TV, that the boyfriend of the mother of the child who was killed by the python in Florida made, after discovering that his snake killed the two year old child, and I was unable to get back to sleep. The sound of his voice haunted me. Just thinking of how it would feel to know that something so preventable and horrifying and permanent happened because of an awful mistake that someone made, it makes my heart sink, it makes me feel like I might vomit.
I don't know what's going on with me. I normally have a wall built up, where I can distance myself from these sorts of things, but now it's all just seeping in. Yesterday I went to Costco, with the twins, and a very sweaty man who looked like Santa with no beard and shorter white hair stopped me. He said, "Are those twins? OOOOOOOh slow down so Grandpa can take a look!" (that was a little funny)... He ooohed and ahhhhed over them, and before he walked away, blotting the beads of sweat off of his forehead with a handkerchief, he said, "Love them like there's no tomorrow, because God can take them back any time...I know, it happened to me" I didn't know what to say, I just said, "Oh thank you, I'm sorry, that's very sad..."
All this thinking about losing children terrifies me. I don't want to ever lose one of them, I want them here with me forever, I want nothing nearly as much as I want that. I literally don't know how I would breathe the next day if I lost one of them. That feeling scares me so much. The thought that children get ill, that babies die of SIDS, that accident's happen and even that people do little things that seem inconsequential (like getting a pet snake) that lead to the death of a child and there is no going back, no re-do's, it just horrifies me, it strikes terror into my heart, it makes me want to line up my kids on my bed, and just keep them with me all the time. Of course I can't. I have to let them live. I have to live, a life that isn't spent worrying about what I might lose someday.
Years and years ago I spent all my free time reading the works of old philosophers, mostly social/political philosophers, writings about liberty, ideal societies and civil laws and stuff of that nature. One day I picked up a little book, I can't remember the name of it, or the person who it was the supposed musings of ( I think was Roman, but he very well could have been Greek)...I say supposed because it was one of those guys who didn't record his thoughts, but they were passed down through word of mouth until someone finally wrote them down. Anyway, he wrote one chapter about attachment to things, and people. He said that we would live perfectly happy lives if we could rid ourselves of attachment to things there were impermanent. He used an analogy of a favorite bowl, something along the lines of: If you have a favorite bowl, that you love to use every day, and one day you drop it and it breaks, you feel a little sad. You aren't devastated though, because you know it's only a bowl and you knew it wouldn't last forever. You enjoyed it while it lasted, but were not so attached to it that it would cause you pain to lose it. He said we should develop the self discipline to feel the same way about everything, and everyone. Enjoying them while we have them, but not attaching ourselves to them so much that we feel we NEED them to be happy, because we will inevitably lose everything and everyone.
I read this 10 years ago, and I thought it made sense. Now though, I feel doomed when I think about it. My children are not something I'm willing to part with. I am attached to them and I can't bare the thought of losing them. The thought of comparing them to a bowl, no matter how favored, strikes me as ridiculous. I know the bowl isn't the point, and still I feel that way. 10 years ago I thought of my boyfriend when I thought of the bowl. I loved him, but obviously not like I do my kids. I know they will grow up and maybe move away. I know that they are human beings, filled with fragile stuff that we can't even put our finger on to figure out how to bring it back once it goes, and yet I'm filled with irrational hope that we will never be separated, that we will always have another day...It makes me want to believe in Heaven so badly.
Yet, the only option I have is to live each day as if the worst couldn't happen. I can't curse my children with a mother who is afraid that they will die all the time, what kind of life would that be? I have to remember they are mortal enough to enjoy each moment with them, while ignoring the fact that they could disappear in an instant. I have to let them ride their bikes, play in the pool, play football, drive cars (eventually), and a million other little things that could in some freakish way take them away from me, all with a healthy dose of precaution and at the same time a blind eye to all the risk.
It's not the sleepless nights that are hard, it's not the lack of privacy and the diapers and the yelling and the fighting (although that does suck...why must siblings fight?), it's the love. It's wonderful, amazing and fantastic to love someone so much, but it's also terrifying.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Thursday, July 09, 2009
Babywise...meh..
Long long long ago I did a post about "Babywise" and other Ezzo parenting methods...3 different people have asked me indirectly about Babywise in the past few days...Meaning they were asking in some forum for opinions and experience with it. I *try* not to bash him too much, I try to use restraint...But it's soooo hard. Basically, everything that these people teach parents to do is the direct opposite of what I believe is good for babies and children. When we attended the parenting classes "Growing Kids God's Way" I was HORRIFIED by the suggestion that kids are born manipulators and that we need to "beat the sin out of them so they can go to heaven"...Really? And the whole Jesus thing? What was that about?
And I swear, if I hear one more person defending the methods in "'Babywise" and GKGW by saying "Well of course you can't take it to the extreme" or "You have to pay attention to your baby" I'll scream...The whole point of the book is that you CANT trust your instincts to nurture your baby when they cry because that's just your baby "manipulating you" and if you give in to them they'll be spoiled and (in the Christian version) sinful. Forget that babies are born innocent, forget that they have no other way to communicate, forget that they have tiny little tummies and how would YOU feel if you were hungry and asked for food and someone ignored you and said "Don't try and manipulate me"? Forget all that, and look at what Ezzo is saying for a minute. Follow my methods correctly and your baby will sleep through the night and your life will be easier. Do exactly what I say...And if anything goes wrong it's because YOU didn't do it right.
And then I also wonder, when there are SOOO many parenting books out there, why chose the one that needs a disclaimer? Why not choose one that you can follow to a T if that's your personality type, and not risk your baby's life? Why choose the one that the AAP and the state of California have expressed reservations about? Why choose the one that Dr. James Dobson of Focus on the Family has spoken against?
Failure to thrive, crying until their throats bleed, slapping kids hands with a rigid object for "blowing raspberries" and "playing with their food" at less than one year of age...Even if these things aren't in the most "Up to date" version of Babywise, why would anyone want to follow the advice of a man who EVER suggested methods that lead to these things?
Oh, wait, it makes being a parent easier. hmmmm.
Maybe that's harsh, maybe they are just misled, maybe they don't know what they are doing will hurt their babies, dry up their milk (if they are breast feeding) and lead their children to mistrust the world around them. That's why I don't hold my tongue. That's why I don't preach all that I think about Babywise, that's why I say, "Google it and decide for yourself" because you catch more flies with honey and people SHOULD make their own choice.
But here, on my blog, I can get as pissed off as I want about it, because I feel bad for all those little babies, and the parents who thought they were doing the "right" things by taking this guys advice only to find out later they were starving their babies. It just makes me so mad. Maybe I sound like a crazy person, but it's how I feel, and I don't feel like I can give a complete answer when people ask about it on most forums, but here, I can tell the truth.
http://www.ezzo.info/Aney/aneyaap.htm
http://www.nospank.net/granju2.htm
http://www.ezzo.info/Articles/ezzo-babywise-controversy-101.htm
http://alyssaroupp.wordpress.com/2007/07/27/babywise/
http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/pregnancy_childbirth/63063
I don't have the time to list all my concerns, so here are some links that have important info, IMO.
And I swear, if I hear one more person defending the methods in "'Babywise" and GKGW by saying "Well of course you can't take it to the extreme" or "You have to pay attention to your baby" I'll scream...The whole point of the book is that you CANT trust your instincts to nurture your baby when they cry because that's just your baby "manipulating you" and if you give in to them they'll be spoiled and (in the Christian version) sinful. Forget that babies are born innocent, forget that they have no other way to communicate, forget that they have tiny little tummies and how would YOU feel if you were hungry and asked for food and someone ignored you and said "Don't try and manipulate me"? Forget all that, and look at what Ezzo is saying for a minute. Follow my methods correctly and your baby will sleep through the night and your life will be easier. Do exactly what I say...And if anything goes wrong it's because YOU didn't do it right.
And then I also wonder, when there are SOOO many parenting books out there, why chose the one that needs a disclaimer? Why not choose one that you can follow to a T if that's your personality type, and not risk your baby's life? Why choose the one that the AAP and the state of California have expressed reservations about? Why choose the one that Dr. James Dobson of Focus on the Family has spoken against?
Failure to thrive, crying until their throats bleed, slapping kids hands with a rigid object for "blowing raspberries" and "playing with their food" at less than one year of age...Even if these things aren't in the most "Up to date" version of Babywise, why would anyone want to follow the advice of a man who EVER suggested methods that lead to these things?
Oh, wait, it makes being a parent easier. hmmmm.
Maybe that's harsh, maybe they are just misled, maybe they don't know what they are doing will hurt their babies, dry up their milk (if they are breast feeding) and lead their children to mistrust the world around them. That's why I don't hold my tongue. That's why I don't preach all that I think about Babywise, that's why I say, "Google it and decide for yourself" because you catch more flies with honey and people SHOULD make their own choice.
But here, on my blog, I can get as pissed off as I want about it, because I feel bad for all those little babies, and the parents who thought they were doing the "right" things by taking this guys advice only to find out later they were starving their babies. It just makes me so mad. Maybe I sound like a crazy person, but it's how I feel, and I don't feel like I can give a complete answer when people ask about it on most forums, but here, I can tell the truth.
http://www.ezzo.info/Aney/aneyaap.htm
http://www.nospank.net/granju2.htm
http://www.ezzo.info/Articles/ezzo-babywise-controversy-101.htm
http://alyssaroupp.wordpress.com/2007/07/27/babywise/
http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/pregnancy_childbirth/63063
I don't have the time to list all my concerns, so here are some links that have important info, IMO.
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
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